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Rise To Fall - End vs. Beginning (2015)


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My words

I'm staring into endless void
Of starlight and of hope devoid,
But when I try to break away,
The skies look like this pit, the same.

Upon its gates the trial's held,
And I'm behind defendant's stand.
I prosecute, I judge, object,
But I will not myself defend.

"Not guilty" verdict was my bane,
Like groundhog's day returned again,
And now, not to overextend,
I'll put this fallacy to end.

I'm tired of seeing myself again
Each passing day grows my disdain
But now I'm ready to repent
And discontinue my descent.

Hypocrisy, and lies, and more...
All, that I usually abhor,
Has rooted deeply in my soul,
And undermined my better goal.

I'm not religious, but believe
In greater cause, for which to live
But what I've done and what I thought
Betrayed this dream that I have sought.

The ancient sins of human kin
Have left their marks upon my skin
And I am tainted by mistakes.
No turning back, there's no retake.

It's easier to count those falls,
Of which became I thoughtless thrall,
Than seek rare virtue, being made
By these obese and spoiled hands.

When did it start? When have I let
Become myself a sorry pet
Of Gluttony? Each bite and swig
Have made me closer to a pig
Than human; how could one not
Contempt and execrate such bloat?

And when I've tried to find a way
To purify myself, to stray
From path, which obviously leads
To only furthering the needs
I've yet again been weak, like moth
Before the flame, - I longed for Sloth.

"Tomorrow", - was my best excuse.
Why was I trying to refuse
From doing anything required
If even was not really tired?
Sloth doesn't let me go away
From childhood to this very day.

The time have passed, and then just once
I've won the prize, and in long pounce
Not me, but Pride has took the place
Upon the pedestal's embrace
And even now, then I require
Sentence, it reads back, admires
And wants all others do the same,
And me to thirst for praise and fame.

Another one, who lurks inside,
Is Greed, and comes like raging tide
The urge to have, to bear, to wield...
It's nearly hopeless not to yield.
And when this wave has briefly passed,
You always know - it won't be last.

And next one is, of course, the Lust.
I'd kept it still inside, but must
Confess, that every passing day
It's growing harder to obey
The mind, and not the primal needs.
I've all my life preferred to heed
And now I know, that would be best
To not put others to the test.
Who could have wanted being loved
By man like me? So here I stand
Away from others: to protect
Them from me, and to recollect.
These memories are dust for them;
They worth much more than any gem
For me; a subtle touch,
a look, a whisper is like glass,
Like stone, unflinching; so bypass
It could only sight. So, that is left for me, is dream,
And I suppress this wordless scream
Each time I see another eyes,
And dancing beauty, which there lies.
Because it's like a whip, a blaze,
It's better to avert my gaze
And yet again return to bog,
Where I, quite overtly, belong.
But it won't help - in sleepless cold
These damning eyes, and words untold
Return again, like sparking stars,
Reminding of my prison's bars.

It doesn't help that I'm not blind
And all the hands, which intertwine
Remind me every once and then
That better not to leave my den.
But I cannot, for I'm addict
To some I know; so I restrict
Myself; yet Envy's foiled deck
Is full of trumps, so now my neck
Is in its hands; its hard to breathe,
But I don't have a place to leave.

The only sin I haven't yet
Discovered, is Wrath: his hunting net
I somehow managed to avoid.
And this, once more, makes me annoyed:
If only I have had this flame,
Then, maybe, I could harness, tame
Its power; but, alas, it's false
And I still can't approach my goals.

This trial goes forever on,
And every word hits like a stone,
But I cannot - and won't - object.
I've only verdict to expect.
Each witness testifies and leaves,
then prosecution takes up leads...
How do I want to leave this booth!
But I cannot run from the truth.
Well, prosecution has this one.
And I don't want to spoil the fun
For him... or better said, for us?
I like it too, this big demise,
I both have fear and feeling joy.
In hands of judgement I'm a toy,
But even if my end is nigh,
For me it's honor to comply.

At last, the sentence is now set
I close my eyes, and last regrets
Let go my mind, so weak and frail.
Impatience grows, my Holy Grail
Lays peacefully aside the judge.
The time has come to end this grudge.

I know for sure, what's in the blank,
But these last moments are like ankh -
Symbolic hope, marvelous sign...
But here, in this forgotten shrine
I am alone. So bring it in.
Let's put an end to all my sins.
And be it venom, noose or blade
I'll gladly face my end of fate.

History of the necrontyr-necrons in a nutshell.

The Green Glow

From very birth cursed they have been
Dying of plague were Necrontyr
Under the glow of native sun
Their own fates were been undone

Then they have built from living steel
Space ships which made survival real
To distant stars flew Necrontyr
And no more doomed, they had no fear

Civilization thrived among stars
But Necrontyr still beared their scars
Albeit free from plaguing light
Gene mutilations were hard to fight

Then Necrontyr have Old Ones met
Those who lived long and sculpted fates
Deepest chagrin possessed their hearts
For immense length of Old Ones' lives

The War in Skies then had begun
Old Ones forced Necrontyr to run
Their greater numbers have not won the war
For Old Ones were masters of the Warp

The Necrontyr defeated were
And hatred grew towards their foe
Then found was that native sun
Held power of the great C'tan

From necrodermis - the living steel
Bodies for Gods have built Necrontyr
C'tan have accepted it with delight
Powers were granted Old Ones to smite

Maphet'ran the Deceiver, one of C'tan
Offered salvation from physical harm
From the pains and diseases the Necrontyrs' bane
Only one realized - price shall be insane

Through bio transference whole race have went
They thought it will be misfortune's end,
Their new bodies like ones of the Gods'
C'tan gorged their souls - that was the price

Feeding on souls C'tan powers grew
Szarekh realized the Diviner said truth
He understood that his kin - Necrontyr
Robbed of their souls became just machines

Old Ones were failing to match Necrons' scores
Web-way was breached with Nyadra'zath's force
Galaxy was in the hands of C'tan
They and Necrons have Red harvests begun.

Whole planets razed and races devoured
C'tans' hunger for lives knew not a bound
Then legends tell that the Great Harlequin
Fooled the C'tan and they killed their kin

After this war only strongest remained
Slaughter of races made Warp inflamed
Necron empire under psykers’ attack
Unseen in the Warp such powers lack

All of the dynasties together once more
Necrons have united against common foe
Great plan of C’tan to shut off the Warp
As though meteor seemed unreal to be stopped

War of the ancients came to culmination
No living soul spared from evisceration
With their pain rose storms in the Warp
No Old Ones nor C’tan have this foretold.

Immaterium’s depths shaking with spasm
Void predators first-borns of chasm
Created and weaved from mortals’ emotions
Enslavers Plague caused great Warp distortions

This was the end to the Old Ones empire
Shattered and smitten they ceased in fire
But the Star Gods’ glee was not meant to end well
Silent King Szarekh leaded rebel

Weapons were charged, powers were aimed
Such was the strike, no C’tan could withstand
Shattered to pieces slaves they became
Necrons once fooled, now their bane

To stop the spread of Enslavers’ hordes
All life was wiped of Necron worlds
Plan was developed what’s lost to regain
Necrons to have living souls once again

To be once more living, have feelings and souls
Free from C’tan, for this strive Necrons
Ten millions of years command was to sleep
Ten millions of years multiplied by six

But the great slumber came to its end
Perilous changes already at hand
Szarekh the head of his people afresh
Under his tread will the Galaxy thrash.
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