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ENGLAND LOSt ON PENALTIES England Sick as Parrot TORONTO—Today» a tuntinp turn of events. it was Jetcmiiocd that nothing hjppowd yesterday Reporters were «rot out in search of ctxdiMe ncu s stones, but none «ere found 'This is an unfrequented occurrence." stated Sven Gets Red Card LONDON—"This »s an occurrence. news correspondent who requested to rwnsio anoay-tnous When ailed*hat she had done yesterday, the reporter in question could neither remember cor did she appear to care Hopes are high throughout the land yesterday Experts believe if this state of exerts continues for any prolonged period of time. w< could be is for a long ipdl of nothingness and gaps in our recorded history which future generation* may find confusing Today in a startling turn of everts, it was determined that nothing happened yesterday Reporters ««re sent out m search of credible ne«* stones, but none «ere found There appear to have been no crimes, fire* nor natural disasters Politi-cuns. normally good for large amounts of winded dsvscrtanoo. were undurac* ten st: call y si lent and even mule on every topic whatsoever Government officials proceeded to sit quietly us their duns, occasionally glancing at one another ir. a silent bare of apathv In ■ country, children of all agev ^ar*d «xrs. learned Teachers «ere reported to have been pomt- HEADLINES
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